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im-no-expert-on-covid-19-but-this-is-the

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1 hour ago, BobD said:

When I first went in to isolation I was concerned I would have to talk to the wife*.

I needn't have worried, turns out she's** quite a nice person when you get to know her***

 

* Insert wife/husband

** Insert she's/ he's

*** insert her/him

Where appropriate. 

😂 As we have mostly worked from home  for around 20 years we’re used to being under one roof a lot of the time. Ian has his workspace upstairs and I allow him down for meals.....

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They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket.

 

 

They lied, everyone else had clothes on.

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4 hours ago, spacecadet said:

put it on your Google Drive and share the link.

Thanks

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So how long is this self isolation supposed to last. My wife keeps pestering me to let her back in.

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Mayor forgets to turn off mic during covid 19 debate.

 

 

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A mate of mine just texted me to say he had Coronavirus and was in hospital. He said not not to worry has he had been put on one of those new Dyson ventilators, and he is now picking up nicely!

 

John.

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BobD you have some really funny ones. How you find them all I’ll never know, but I might ask you to dig up my family tree.

Betty

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The new Marina Hyde article is out. Some really funny lines:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/commentisfree/2020/mar/27/corona-prince-johnson-designated-survivors-

 

In the meantime, there continues to be a huge range of reactions to the suspension of life as we knew it. Americans are buying more guns, though mass school closures mean there are fewer favoured locations to use them. In the UK on Thursday night, millions stood on doorsteps or leaned from their windows to applaud NHS and care workers, a vastly moving moment confused only by the participation of many Conservative MPs and ministers who in 2017 not only voted against a pay rise for nurses, but loudly clapped its defeat – and whose funding priorities have left some frontline NHS workers threatening to resign over lack of protective equipment. The World Health Organization recommends the sort of full-body armour you’d want to attend dinner at Michael Gove’s; current government largesse allows for a Kiss the Cook apron and a cardboard Simon Cowell mask.

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40 minutes ago, geogphotos said:

The new Marina Hyde article is out. Some really funny lines:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/commentisfree/2020/mar/27/corona-prince-johnson-designated-survivors-

 


I love the bit about the two hoarse men of the apocalypse referring to the owners of Sports Direct and Wetherspoons: Indeed, if you’ve currently got the Book of the Revelation open, you might have been expecting them. Two hoarse men of the apocalypse, gruffly locating some knock-off contrition.

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2 hours ago, Betty LaRue said:

BobD you have some really funny ones. How you find them all I’ll never know, but I might ask you to dig up my family tree.

Betty

 

I'm afraid my back won't allow me to dig up any trees Betty.

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No I won't come down, I've already had 10 people take me for a walk today.

 

eat9aagzj0a41.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&a

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I got so drunk last night I couldn't remember coming home from the kitchen this morning.

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13 minutes ago, BobD said:

 

I'm afraid my back won't allow me to dig up any trees Betty.

:D I knew as soon as I posted that, I opened myself up! 🤣

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**WARNING** Bad language in this one.

 

 

 

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One of my favourites.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and

pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. But I actually asked……. "Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

 

 

Edited by ReeRay
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I use both sides of the toilet paper to make it last twice as long.

 

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